A Somewhat Bewildered Rant

Today, I set myself on a strict timetable. I cannot be late for rehearsal, I said. I should try my best to be on time and be prepared for rehearsals. That means, coming in early to warm up. I’ve got a lot to accomplish if I want to perform well.

I arrived at rehearsal venue with about a half hour to spare. So, I made a game plan:

3 minutes to place food order

5 minutes for food to arrive

12 minutes to eat everything

5 minutes for a ciggie break

And, I had 5 minutes to grab a bottle of water and head upstairs to the rehearsal room. I’m power-walking, and making a beeline for the shop counter. And, I notice someone staring at me. Kind of sitting up straight at a table, her right side towards me, and she’d kind of turned her head to look at me.

I didn’t notice her until I was 2 steps away from her, and it was only because she was staring at me. I looked down, and saw her looking at me, and my kneejerk reaction was “Hey!”

She replied, “Hi…”

And, I was moving past her to get to the counter because she was seated at the table nearest the counter.

And, I hear this voice kind of quietly saying, “Hi.”

I turned, and saw her, and I did a quiet double-take, my mouth hanging open, because I really didn’t see her there. And, I said, “Hey! I didn’t see you there!”

Except, she wasn’t even looking at me. She just took a sip of her drink, eyes on table, and responded with “Yeah.”

What the hell is up with that rudeness? Did the two of them sit there, and judge me? Saying that I was ignoring them on purpose? Is that why the first girl, who hardly ever talks to me, was looking straight at me? And, if you’re going to say “Hi”, why aren’t you looking at the person you’re talking to?

I stopped walking, and was going to continue the conversation, except she snubbed me again.

What’s up with that? I had come to her before with an apology that she had already decided she won’t accept. She reduced the importance, meaning and value of our friendship, and valued it only worthy of a blank face with intention to not respond or reciprocate. She had no intention of accepting my apology, much less even giving me a fair chance of being heard out.

I spent a week in a very awkward and painful situation, listening to her snipe, sneer and gloat at every perceived or otherwise little mistake I made.

Well, her circle of friends have certainly made known their allegiance. Which is a topic for another’s day rant.

I’m not sure why I feel hurt at her latest display of bad behaviour. Maybe, it’s because when I saw her, my first instinct was to say “Hi!”

Not sneer or snub.

I’m being emo. Time for bed.